From Relationship Building to Relationship Nurturing: Why the Real Work Begins After the Handshake

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By William Ballard

Let’s be honest: In a world obsessed with quick results and instant gratification, the art of truly connecting with others often gets lost in the shuffle.

We’re either so busy chasing the next big client, networking event, or social media follower that we forget the most basic truth--relationships aren’t built in a day.

​More importantly, the real magic happens after the initial connection, in the nurturing phase. Transitioning from relationship building to relationship nurturing is what distinguishes a transactional exchange from a lifelong partnership.

But here’s a hard truth: Most folks are better at building bridges than maintaining them. As the saying goes, “The fortune is in the follow-up.” So why do so many of us drop the ball after the handshake? Why do we settle for surface-level connections when the gold lies deeper?

Maybe, as you’ve noticed, we’ve grown too narcissistic, too impatient, or just downright lazy when it comes to investing in the slow, sometimes messy process of getting to know the real person behind the business card.
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It’s time to adjust course, shifting from relationship building to relationship nurturing—because that’s where trust, loyalty, and genuine value reside.

The Problem: Building Isn’t Enough

​You’ve felt it, haven’t you? That awkward moment at a networking mixer where you exchange LinkedIn profiles, promise to “keep in touch,” and promptly forget each other’s names the next morning.

Or maybe you’ve closed a deal, only to never hear from the client again (or worse, they never hear from you). Transforming from relationship building to relationship nurturing isn’t just a business cliché. It’s a fundamental truth that too many people sidestep.

The root of the issue?

We treat relationship building like a finish line. Once we’ve made the sale, landed the client, or added a “friend,” we mentally check out, assuming the work is done. But as Maya Angelou once famously said, “People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”

Relationship building gets you in the door; relationship nurturing is what keeps you invited back.
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Authentic Relationships:
​Why They Matter More Than Ever

In a hyper-connected digital age, genuine relationships are your ultimate competitive advantage. Sure, you can automate emails, schedule social posts, and use AI to analyze engagement—but none of that replaces the warmth, trust, and loyalty that comes from real, ongoing connection.

Let’s break it down:

• Trust Is Earned Over Time: A handshake or signed contract means little without follow-through. People need to see consistency, reliability, and care before they truly trust you.
• Loyalty Beats Transactional Gains: One-off deals might fatten your wallet today, but loyal clients and colleagues are the ones who refer you, defend you, and stick with you through thick and thin.
• Reputation Grows Through Nurturing: Your brand isn’t what you say it is—it’s what others say about you. Consistently nurturing relationships ensures those words are positive.

​As Zig Ziglar put it, “If people like you they’ll listen to you, but if they trust you they’ll do business with you.”
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Relationship Building: The First Step (But Not the Last)

​Before you can nurture a relationship, you have to build one. That’s Networking 101, right?

But let’s clarify: building a relationship isn’t a one-time transaction. It’s an ongoing process that requires:

• Authenticity: Be yourself. People can spot a phony a mile away, and people can’t stand fake.  
• Curiosity: Ask questions, listen, and show genuine interest in others. Moreover, don’t come into a conversation “expecting” a certain type of outcome. That’s often your narcissism kicking in. 
• Generosity: Give before you ask. Share insights, make introductions, offer help.
• Follow-through: Keep your promises, however small. Reliability speaks volumes.

The relationship building phase is like planting a seed. But if you walk away after planting, don’t be surprised when nothing grows.
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Relationship Nurturing: Where the Real Work Begins

Here’s where most people stumble. Relationship nurturing is about watering that seed—sometimes for months or years—before it blossoms into something meaningful.

This phase is all about:

• Consistency: Regular check-ins, thoughtful gestures, remembering important dates.
• Personalization: See people as people of value, not just entries in your CRM.
• Transparency: Be honest about mistakes, setbacks, or changes.
• Mutual Growth: Look for ways to help them succeed, not just yourself.

As Stephen Covey wrote in The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People (AFF), “Trust is the glue of life. It’s the most essential ingredient in effective communication. It’s the foundational principle that holds all relationships.”

​Let’s get practical. What does relationship nurturing look like in action?
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10 Actionable Strategies for Relationship Nurturing
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1. Send Handwritten Notes: In a sea of digital noise, a thank-you card stands out.
2. Remember the “Little Things”: Birthdays, anniversaries, or even their favorite coffee order—details matter.
3. Check In Without an Agenda: Sometimes, just asking “How are things?”—without trying to sell anything—builds immense goodwill and value. 
4. Share Opportunities: See an event, article, or connection that could help them? Pass it along.
5. Offer Feedback or Praise: Publicly recognize achievements, endorse them on LinkedIn, or leave a positive review.
6. Invite to Collaborate: Bring them into projects, panels, or brainstorming sessions.
7. Be a Connector: Introduce people in your network who could help each other.
8. Show Up in Person: Whenever possible, move from email to phone, from phone to Zoom, and from Zoom to real-life meetings.
9. Ask for Input: Make them feel valued by seeking their advice or opinions.
10. Admit Mistakes: If you mess up, own it—apologies go a long way in deepening trust. 

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How Our Narcissistic Behavior Can Cause a Divide in Our Relationship Nurturing Interactions

​Psychologists describe narcissism as a personality trait (or, in some cases, a disorder) where a person has grandiose ideas about themselves, lacks empathy, and craves validation.

Sound familiar?

Don’t worry – we all have moments when we think we’re the main character. But here’s the catch: when narcissism becomes the main ingredient in your personality recipe, it can leave a bitter taste in the mouths of those around you.

So, how does this play out in terms of relationship nurturing?

In steps the gaslighting craze and the personal attack, validation proof seeker.  When I was growing up, we were more likely to protest against being patronized or condescended to; however, now all you really hear about is the concept of gaslighting.

One of the sneakiest effects of unchecked narcissism is gaslighting, which is an attempt at psychological manipulation, making someone question their own reality. It might start small (“I never said that!”). But over time, it can erode trust and self-confidence.

Gaslighting creates a toxic environment where the person you are trying to nurture a relationship with feels confused, anxious, and unsure. And relationships built on shifting sands of reality rarely last long.

Moreover, when your narcissism is calling all the shots, even the gentlest suggestion can feel like a personal attack. Suddenly, “Could you help with the dishes?” is heard through the narcissistic ear as the passive-aggressive, “You’re an incompetent slob!”

And then, when the person you are trying to nurture a relationship with says, “I never said that!” … well, look where we end up falling back to – gaslighting and manipulating.

In other words, the narcissistic person will either attempt to gaslight the one they accuse of gaslighting them, and/or seek validation by trying to prove that the other person really does see them as an incompetent slob, which is, in essence, accepting a false reality (a delusion), and thus, gaslighting yourself.

Now, not everyone out there is trying to gaslight you or manipulate you, but if you enter every relationship nurturing interaction thinking or expecting someone to "gaslight" you, what you are doing is projecting your own narcissism onto that person. In other words, your narcissism is telling you that you are such an "important person" who is worth being manipulated or gaslighted.

Consider what the Apostle Paul wrote in Romans 12:3, that we are “not to think of ourselves more highly than we ought to think.” Some versions even go as far as to say, “not to have an exaggerated opinion of one’s own importance.”

That said, we are living in a time where more and more people are thinking more highly of themselves than they ever have before. Much of this is due to the introduction of participation trophies and the extreme need for positive affirmations.

You see, there’s a universal law – the law of accumulation – that says, “a small thing, over time, can become a big thing.” Now, that law or principle can be seen as both positive and negative.

​In other words, I understand that the use of positive affirmations is one way of helping to boost one’s self-esteem, but too much of a “good” thing can often become a bad thing really quickly if we aren’t careful.

In fact, it's already having more of a negative return than a positive one at the current rate. Consider what Paul wrote in 2 Timothy 3: 1-3, "This know also, that in the last days perilous times shall come. For men shall be lovers of their own selves, covetous, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy, without natural affection, trucebreakers, false accusers (sounds like gaslighting), incontinent, fierce, despisers of those that are good, traitors, heady, highminded, lovers of pleasures more than lovers of God" 

Sounds a lot like today, doesn't it? All of what the Apostle Paul wrote there can be summed up in one word -- narcissism. To that end, if you catch yourself twisting facts to win arguments or avoid responsibility by attempting to gaslight (manipulate) people, take notice.

​Honesty and trust are the heartbeat of any strong relationship. Start thinking of others more and yourself less. That is the key connecting principle. 
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Why Do We Struggle to Nurture Relationships?

Let’s call a spade a spade. In a society that prizes speed, efficiency, and self-promotion, relationship nurturing feels like a luxury—something to do when everything else is checked off the to-do list. But that’s backwards.

• We’re Impatient: We want results now, not “someday.”
• We’re Distracted, Disloyal, or Uncommitted: Digital devices mean our attention is split a dozen ways.
• We’re Selfish (Transactional): We focus on what we can get rather than what we can give.
• We’re Narcissistic: We often think we’re more important or smarter than we really are. And we enter interactions expecting specific outcomes that validate those key beliefs.

​But the truth is, as Dale Carnegie wrote, “You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.”
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The Cost of Neglecting Relationship Nurturing

​Ignoring the relationship nurturing phase isn’t just a missed opportunity—it’s a recipe for stagnation and regret.
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• Clients Leave: If you only show up when you need something, don’t be surprised when they walk away.
• Reputation Sours: Word gets around—people know who’s genuine and who’s just out for themselves. Remember, people can’t stand fake.
• Growth Stalls: The best opportunities flow through strong, enduring relationships.

​Ever notice how some folks seem to “get all the breaks”? Chances are, they’ve spent years nurturing the right connections—often quietly, behind the scenes.
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Relationship Nurturing in Action: Real-World Examples

Let’s make this real. Here are two scenarios—one business, one personal—where relationship nurturing made all the difference.

1. The Consultant Who Cared

A marketing consultant lands a big client. Instead of going dark until the next invoice, she sends monthly check-ins, shares relevant articles, and even introduces her client to a potential collaborator. Six months later, the client refers her to three more businesses. Why? Because she cared enough to nurture, not just build, the relationship.

2. The Friend Who Showed Up

After college, two friends drift apart. One makes a habit of sending a quick message every few months—just to say hi, no strings attached. Years later, when one faces a family crisis, guess who’s the first to show up with support? The relationship, once casual, is now a lifeline—all thanks to steady nurturing.
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A Relationship Nurturing Coaching Moment With William​

Q1: What’s the biggest difference between relationship building and relationship nurturing?
A: Relationship building is about making the initial connection; nurturing is about sustaining and deepening that connection over time.

Q2: How often should I reach out to someone I want to nurture a relationship with?
A: There’s no magic number, but consistency is key. Monthly check-ins, occasional notes, or sharing relevant resources are all great ways to stay in touch without overwhelming.

Q3: Can relationship nurturing be automated?
A: Some reminders and follow-ups can be systematized, but genuine nurturing requires real attention and personalization. Nothing beats a thoughtful, human touch.

Q4: What if the other person doesn’t seem interested in nurturing the relationship?
A: Not every connection will blossom—and that’s okay. Focus on those who reciprocate; don’t force what isn’t natural.

Q5: Is it ever too late to start nurturing a neglected relationship?
A: Rarely. A sincere message or apology can rekindle many connections. Just be honest about your intentions.
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Tips for Incorporating Relationship Nurturing
​Into Your Daily Life
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• Calendar Reminders: Set recurring reminders to check in with important contacts.
• Gratitude Lists: Once a week, list three people you’re thankful for—and tell them.
• Personal Touches: Add notes about hobbies, family, or interests in your contact database to personalize your outreach.
• Block Time for People: Just as you schedule work, schedule relationship time—calls, coffees, messages.
• Celebrate Milestones: Promotions, new babies, anniversaries—acknowledge them.

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Relationship Nurturing for the Digital Age

Social media and email have changed the game—but they’re just tools. Relationship nurturing works best when you use digital channels to enhance human connection, not replace it.
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• Don’t Just Like—Engage: Comment thoughtfully, share their wins, send DMs.
• Use Video: A quick video note/message is more personal than a wall of text.
• Virtual Coffee Dates: Schedule Zoom catch-ups, especially for long-distance contacts.
• Share Their Content: Promote their work or events; generosity is remembered.

Final Thoughts: Don’t Just Build Relationships
​—Nurture Them

Here’s the bottom line: Relationship building is essential, but it’s just the starting line. Associates become strong relationships when the relationship is nurtured. That’s the foundation of every thriving business, friendship, and community.

If you want to stand out in a transactional (selfish) world, be the one who doesn’t stop at the handshake. Be the one who checks in, remembers the details, admits mistakes, and looks for ways to help others grow. As the old proverb goes, “If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together.”

So, next time you meet someone new, don’t just add them to your contacts. Ask yourself: How will I nurture this relationship today and in the future? That’s where the real magic—and the real success—lives.

Ready to move from relationship building to relationship nurturing? Start today. Reach out, check in, and invest in the people who matter. Your future self—and your business—will thank you.
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William Ballard is the founder and CEO of William Ballard & Associates, LLC. He is a serial entrepreneur and has built a successful career leading and growing organizations based, in large part, on his ability to ask great questions, speak with candor, and identify talented people with whom to collaborate.

​It’s from this foundation that William helps aspiring entrepreneurs, small business owners, and ministry leaders navigate organizational, industry, and societal changes to move their organizations closer towards their vision.